With Deepest Sympathy

Good manners, and a sense of doing the right thing, came home to roost recently.

A colleague and warm acquaintance—I’d be pressed to say “friend”—lost his wife early last spring. I was added to an email list of “close friends” who received weekly updates on her progress fighting cancer almost as soon as it was diagnosed the previous fall. The situation was dire, and the outcome known. It was really just a matter of time.

I felt that any contribution I could make—not really knowing the family or other friends copied on these updates well—would seem somehow trite if not offensive. So, I read and soaked up the outpouring of love and support from afar, amazed at the tribe this couple had supporting them during their excruciating ordeal.

The wife died, and I continued to receive notice of how the colleague and his children were faring, and all that their friends were doing. I learned the details of but chose not to attend the memorial service.
Months later I left my job (the likely connection severed) and relocated. But I filed the collection of updates and “love notes” written on their behalf by the very closest of friends in my “March tickler”, because they were extraordinarily beautiful and generous and heart-warming despite the cold reality of the subject matter.

So, last month, March one year later, I finally sat down to write the long-overdue condolence note. I apologized for my bad form, but shared how moved I had been by the strength and grace I’d shared through my computer and expressed my gratitude for having been included. I wished him the very best, and hoped that he and his sons now felt some measure of peace. I was glad to have done it, and mailed it the next day.

A couple of weeks ago, this colleague phoned me to thank me for my sentiments. He told me that he’d stopped reading the letters and notes last spring, because it was too painful. But he was grateful to have received mine and it moved him. He was so pleased that I had taken the time, even these many months later.

Remember: It is never too late for the important actions in life.

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